Edge of Desire

"I want you so bad, I'll go back on the things I believe..." - John Mayer

For someone who is as into faith, and honesty, and belief as I am, that quote is such an incredibly powerful line. And, I know exactly what Johnny's talking about. What he's speaking of isn't a state of mind, rather a moment... just a fleeting moment... where you'd give anything to touch the Holy Grail (whatever, or whomever, it may be at the time).

For me, hearing this song and watching this video brings back great memories from seeing Mayer in concert both this past tour and countless (I've lost count, but I have a rough number) times over the years. These are wonderful, wonderful memories that are so great to re-live.

Hearing these words also hit me in a different place right now. "Employment... I want you so bad, I'll do just about anything." I have a solid camp job for the summer with people I know, care about and enjoy working with, but I am itching for full-time employment in an educational setting. I'm applying for dozens and dozens of jobs, and tapping every resource I can, but at this moment, my hope is fleeting. The best and worst thing about this moment is that it truly is only a moment. My time will come soon. But, in the moment, it feels dire.

Soon!

I guess it's better right now that my unrequited passion lays in looking for work rather than finding love. Both shall come in time. If I continue to put forth the effort and continue being my awesome self, good things will happen.

Right?

Right.

What is universal about this song is the way it captures the simultaneous feelings of hopefulness and helplessness. We've all been there. The Chinese symbol for crisis has two characters: one for danger, and the other for opportunity. Every experience is a chance to make this moment better than the last... It doesn't always go the way we hope, but that shouldn't keep us from trying.

So, I wake up tomorrow, dust myself off, and put myself out there again in search of the Holy Grail. Thankfully, I'm not on the road alone.

New York Will Have Same-Sex Marriage

I was leaving Yankee Stadium last night when I saw that New York State passed a bill allowing same marriage. From what I've read, couples can get married as soon as the end of July.

My first thought upon hearing the news was joy. I am happy for all those people who have committed their lives to another person who now have the opportunity to have their love recognized. While I lean to the left politically and believe strongly that same-sex marriage should be allowed (I don't like allowed, and encouraged isn't the right word), I have friends (gay, straight, pansexual... whathaveyou) that have been more invested in this process than I... and to those, my heart could not go out more. I am thrilled that their voices have been heard and that two people can share their love (...and the same benefits of marriage as intergender couples).

I understand why people fear that which they do not understand. The unknown is an incredibly scary thing. But in the world in which we live now, for people to be so hateful... so hurtful... that, I do not understand. To love someone of the same sex does not make you un-American. People deserve the right to be proud to be who they are.

I also don't understand those who use religion as the reason they stand against same-sex marriage. While I am by no means religious or a theologist, if you asked me two tenets of most religions I'd say: (1) Act the way to others the same way you'd like them to act to you... and (2) Love one another.

In the simpliest of terms in the brotherhood and sisterhood of (hu)man(ity), we have to be true to one another. The history books have shown throughout the ages that the majority will nearly always exert control over the minority. Unfortunately we still live in a world full of racism, sexism, ageism, and a whole lot of other-isms... I'm not saying we as people will be able to love everybody, but I'd like to be able to say that I've made a decision about another person based on who they are, not what I (think I)see.

Love is a powerful thing. Whether or not this bill passed, same-sex couples would have continued to love each other. Not a whole lot has changed, regardless of where you stood on this issue. I'm sure a game of frisbee in Central Park felts the same today as it would have yesterday. But, yesterday... today, tomorrow... and through the future, we celebrate the opportunity to celebrate the love our friends and family share regardless of what we see with our eyes.

It's what we feel with our hearts that matter most.



Metta World Peace

Today, Ron Artest filed papers to legally change his name to Metta World Peace (With 'Metta' serving as his first name, and 'World Peace' serving as his surname). Changing one's name is certainly nothing new in sports. Muhammad Ali and Kareem Abdul Jabbar (the former Cassius Clay and Lew Alcindor respectively) had very admirable reasons for changing their names, while World B. Free (formerly Lloyd) and Chad Ochocinco (formerly, and, now again currently, Chad Johnson) had presumably less than legitamate reasons for changing their names.

Over the last few weeks, given the amount of time I've had outside of looking for work, I've been focusing again on writing for the first time in a very long time (in case you haven't noticed how little I've been updating this here blog). One of the bits I've been working on is how, if you want to get vanity license plates, you have to petition the DMV and explain why you want that specific plate, and what it means (if they don't like it, they can turn it down. Like, I'd have to come up with a really good explanation for MFFDVR)... while you can name your kid (or re-name yourself) pretty much anything. Thank you, Mr. World Peace, for helping me to finish that joke.

Say what you want about Ron Artest, but I don't feel he's a bad guy... maybe more of a misgotten soul. We think of Ron Artest now more along the lines of Mike Tyson... guys who have certainly made mistakes, are immensely crazy/quirky (depending on how you feel), and are just trying to find their place in the world. This doesn't forgive their missteps, rather, we choose not to focus on their mistakes... we focus on their uniqueness.



For the rest of their lives, Ron Artest and Mike Tyson are always going to try to be a part of the joke, embracing their unusual selves, but unfortunately, they'll always be on the outside looking in. There is a childlike sense of wonder and naievity that makes the story of Artest changing his name to Metta World Peace not entirely funny, but not all sad either. It's just the world he inhabits. And, we're on the outside looking in.

Superstition

For as much as a unique creature I may be, I have never defined myself as superstitious. As an athlete, as a writer, as a student… a son, a grandson, a friend… I may have my idiosyncrasies, but I can’t point to anything being a true superstition.

Watching the Jets last week, getting ready to watch them again this week, I get a masochistic thrill out of watching the ups and downs of every play. I don’t have to drink a certain drink or wear a certain jersey, I just surround myself with great people and hope for the best. The Jets won.

This year, beating the Colts in their building in a playoff game may not have been as great of an achievement as it has been in years past; but it is still an achievement to build on. Whether we, as Jets fans, admit it or not, we would have been disappointed if had we lost that game, whether we expected to win or not.

As we were cleaning up and emptying beer bottles, there was talk amongst our motley crew of doing everything the same for the next week’s game to ensure victory; as if anything we did could control the outcome of the game.

The more I thought about it, I realize re-creating the circumstances of the previous week wasn’t so much a measure of control, rather, it was the creation of a scapegoat to ease the pain of seemingly impending defeat. “The Jets didn’t lose because we weren’t good enough; it was because they brought the wrong chips! Sons of…”

It has been 16-and-a-half years since one of the teams I root for have won a championship. Sure, it’s not like living in Cleveland and suffering through the Cavs, Indians and Browns, but it’s difficult living in a town where the Devils (3 cups), Giants (Super Bowl 42), and Yankees (5 Evil Empire rings) reign [Alright, the Devils are finally having a down year, the Giants didn’t make the playoffs and the Yanks didn’t make the Series, but come on! Nine local title celebrations in 16 years? It’s a little tough to take.] Not to mention seeing division foes constantly succeed; the Pats have won three Super Bowls and have had decade of dominance, the Phillies now control the division with a ring and another World Series appearance, the resurgence of the Celtics, and the Flyers and the Crosby’s leading the Atlantic.

I try not to be a negative person, but that’s a lot to take!

I’m in an unfamiliar place as a sports fan. I can literally count the years my teams have made the playoffs, let alone have had a legitimate shot at a title. I count this Jets season as one of those years. I’m beyond prayer, fear and superstition. If the Jets lose, it may be because the Pats are the better team, it may be because of a bad call, or a dropped pass, but it’s out of my control. And nothing in this world can change that.

Superstition may be a precautionary measure against failure, a way to ease the inevitable pain, but I’d rather have faith. I truly believe that one day… one extraordinary day… I will see one of my teams prevail. Hoist up that glorious, shimmering trophy… and I will be able to bask in the love and appreciation of those who I surround myself now, those I haven’t seen in ages, and those who have passed before me. I’ll be out on the street, somewhere, with a chilled 2-liter of Diet Sierra Mist spraying foam everywhere I can reach.

That will be a great day.

I can only hope tomorrow afternoon is another step towards Zihuatanejo.

Writer.

I always knew I could never be the first baseman of the Mets, but I always dreamed of it. Heck, even now, at times, I dream of it. Hope is a beautiful thing and what is the point of losing that dream unnecessarily.

I knew I couldn't play, but I could cover. For a time, I wanted to be a sports journalist, a poet, a songwriter... and while that dream has never lost me, I have lost that dream.

In my youth, I wrote because I was confused... I was in pain. Writing out the inner workings of my mind as blog posts or poetry helped to serve as a release and a way to better understand my emotions.

The last few months and years, I haven't written as much as I have in the past. It's not because I don't have much to say (those who know me know I can be a talker), but, rather, I am not fighting the pain I have dealt with in the past.

I still have the intense desire to write, but the passion isn't there. I sit at the blank page and I lose the battle. There is a reason why there are infinite amounts of literature and music about pain and suffering, and fewer comedies and happy songs.

It's really hard to write when you're happy. For me, I've been in a great stretch of my life and I'd rather share my free moments with loved ones rather than isolated at a computer screen.

It's funny, in a way, how one moment, one instant can change the course of events. I want to write every night, but tonight, I can't shake the emotions I once knew all too well... and still silently linger.

I want to write a happy prose. Or, at least, not be inspired by heartbreak. The next few months of my life are planned, but they aren't written. I'm anxiously awaiting the journey... the next stage. As that happens, I'm ready to explore the world of being a writer again... writing about what I know: sports, movies, music, life.

Because, well, why not? We only get one shot at this thing, right?

I hope you're all having an amazing start to 2011 and I hope you're ready to follow this train one more time.

Be well.

#how140characterscametoruletheworld

I signed up for Twitter in October 2008 to see what all the fuss was about (When Did You Join Twitter?). I followed a couple of athletes, a bunch of musicians, and didn't very much understand the concept of Tweeting just yet.

John Mayer (@johncmayer) signed up for Twitter in January '09, and such began my phase of Twitter of responding to any post I was around to see, hoping for a Tweet back... I never got one : (.

When I came back from my summer camp experience in August 2009, I had been away from the world for two months. I missed family, I missed friends, I missed baseball... I felt like I had missed the world.

And, though, that wasn't an entirely bad thing, the way I would gather information changed. Instead of following a few athletes and musicians on Twitter, I would follow many more athletes and musicians, and sports writers, and music writers, and media outlets... Instead of gathering my information daily from websites and blogs, I was logging on to Twitter and finding out all I wanted and needed to know.

It's not that the media and blogs aren't important anymore. They are, but now, in a different way.

If newspapers ran on a 24-hour cycle, blogs run on a hourly or minute cycle... Twitter literally runs in real time. In the last year, I've gotten all my news from Twitter before anywhere else: Haiti, Gary Coleman, major sports news... hell, I even found out about the minor earthquake in Albany, NY because a friend of mine Tweeted it.

In a lot of ways, it's a shame that people are living in the moment by not living in the moment; meaning, when I'm out with friends, we're all on our phones checking up on the world that isn't there. We love each other, we love to hang out, but we kind of want to get back to our sanctuaries with our cool air, computers, video games, Netflix, and whathaveyou.

But that's where we are.

Is that where it'll stay? I've had a few good conversations about whether Twitter will be here for the long haul, and many people believe it's a fad. I believe Twitter is here to stay. Maybe not always in its current form, but the immediacy of getting new, connecting with friends, and celebrities directly communicating with their audience is huge.

If a major sports star is 'misquoted', then they can put out on Twitter immediately what they intended to say. If a band is trying to take things to the next level, communicating with fans and putting show dates on Twitter is essential now. If you're a blogger now, Twitter has taken over RSS... if you want people to check your site, post the hyperlink of your newest post as a Tweet. Even CNN and TMZ (yeah, they're almost in the same class now) are posting breaking news on Twitter.

The benefits are there for everyone, as long as we don't allow ourselves to be completely consumed in the digital world.

At this moment, I'm using Twitter to follow my favorite sports teams, my favorite sports writers and my favorite sports blogs... @sportsguy33, @Brian_Bassett, @Peter_R_Casey, @JoeandEvan, @Adam_Schefter

To follow some very great musicians... @harperblynn, @ingridmusic, @carybrothers, @leslieband, @miekapauley, @michaelfranti, @BenFolds, @AmyRegan, @RiversCuomo

To tweet with some pretty cool people who share a love of similar things as I... @LibbyCrews, @OriginalNixster, @flickrlovr, @Majin_Bernard, @foomanizer

To communicate with people of whom I have the utmost respect for what they do and who they are... @JulieAlexandria, @kerryrhodes, @JamieKaler, @MichaelBunin

And to, of course, Tweet with my friends... @JeremyTheCritic, @therealanicid, @afifafif, @theomegachrist, @RyInFullEffect, @Harlem4Dais

I guess you could call that the biggest Follow Friday (#FF) ever![...I know it's Tuesday...].

All that being said, I'm going out in the sun to enjoy my day off either going for a jog or hitting some golf balls... with my phone right by my side.

The 2010 That's Been... so far

Class... and work... and camp... and class... and work... and class.

These are the things that have kept me from you... my loyal readers. And for that, I apologize.

2010 is about two-thirds done, and, to be honest, I can't believe it's almost the fall. Since I've left you last, I've been working retail, just finished another tour of summer camp (though, this time, it was a day camp), taken 7 classes (...and waiting on one more grade!), seen one pair of friends get married and getting ready for another pair to do the same, watched the Mets struggle, but be interesting, watched the Jets be interesting and praying they won't struggle... and, now, I have a little time to myself before I start a little more craziness in the fall.

This fall, I start an internship which I'm partially scared as hell about and partially excited as hell about. The nervousness won't dissipate until I start, so I cannot wait to get started. I'm also full-time with classes again... three nights a week. I should also have a job at an after-school program by the end of September... and we'll see if I keep my retail gig.

The days are getting shorter... the weather getting that much cooler. The summer is ending and I'm not fighting it as much as I usually do. As long as I get in one more round of golf, I think I'll be alright.

Football is on it's way... I'm getting excited for Notre Dame and the Jets on Saturday's and Sunday's. ...and going to the bar to watch the games on Sunday's.

Blogging world... it's been a busy, but great 2010, and I'm sorry I haven't kept you in the loop as much as I always have. I will be doing my best to keep you in the loop.

Sincerely,
Five-Time Defending World Three-Point Shooting Champion of the World
d$mania