Edge of Desire

"I want you so bad, I'll go back on the things I believe..." - John Mayer

For someone who is as into faith, and honesty, and belief as I am, that quote is such an incredibly powerful line. And, I know exactly what Johnny's talking about. What he's speaking of isn't a state of mind, rather a moment... just a fleeting moment... where you'd give anything to touch the Holy Grail (whatever, or whomever, it may be at the time).

For me, hearing this song and watching this video brings back great memories from seeing Mayer in concert both this past tour and countless (I've lost count, but I have a rough number) times over the years. These are wonderful, wonderful memories that are so great to re-live.

Hearing these words also hit me in a different place right now. "Employment... I want you so bad, I'll do just about anything." I have a solid camp job for the summer with people I know, care about and enjoy working with, but I am itching for full-time employment in an educational setting. I'm applying for dozens and dozens of jobs, and tapping every resource I can, but at this moment, my hope is fleeting. The best and worst thing about this moment is that it truly is only a moment. My time will come soon. But, in the moment, it feels dire.

Soon!

I guess it's better right now that my unrequited passion lays in looking for work rather than finding love. Both shall come in time. If I continue to put forth the effort and continue being my awesome self, good things will happen.

Right?

Right.

What is universal about this song is the way it captures the simultaneous feelings of hopefulness and helplessness. We've all been there. The Chinese symbol for crisis has two characters: one for danger, and the other for opportunity. Every experience is a chance to make this moment better than the last... It doesn't always go the way we hope, but that shouldn't keep us from trying.

So, I wake up tomorrow, dust myself off, and put myself out there again in search of the Holy Grail. Thankfully, I'm not on the road alone.